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- The challenge of coming off psych meds, especially when they help you. Do I really want to give up something that calms me down? Kinda. Kinda not. It's a challenge to come off any drug, but one that calms your mind down to where you don't pick up on everything ... like my mind doesn't stop off meds. I'm not sure if I should come off them or stay on them. But if I have a child, I will have to embrace this challenge.
- I can't look at family members with rage, even if it is justified. I have to see them as souls, souls who came for the benefit of experiencing negativity. To embrace the positive and to feel love in a harsh environment. So what if my mom stole my dad's business became a millionaire and allows me to deal with poverty. She wanted me to be on disability so bad. And I fought her tooth and nail. Or whatever the saying goes. She wanted me to survive off a thousand dollars a month. And called my paralegal job foolish. I"m now making good money and pretty good at it. I'm so glad I have learned to not listen to her. I love her dearly but she's not as smart as me and no one knows what is best for you besides yourself. My dad, love him too. Haven't reached out to him in a while. I miss talking to him. But he ignores me. He ignores all his kids. He just smokes weed and drinks. And that used to be what I did while I ignored everyone. He and I are very similar. I'm a Capler for sure. My sisters, Jeanette being so competitive. Always, since she was a child. Till brains took over and I started to outsmart her. That's where I excel, brains.
- I don't know what warfare against the body means. But I'm sure smoking is a form of it. I try to be like the Native Americans and embrace spirit. But I only really did that on shrooms. I need to eat veggies and plan to start juicing soon.
- What if I embraced psychosis with curiosity instead of paranoia? Where would it lead me? I wish I could do this.
- Always in fight or flight mode. Usually choose flight. Or fight. Never just growth. I need to think in terms of growth. Spiritually, Physically, Empathically. Become a better person.
- If only I had choice. Choice to live as I want to live. So many people around me tell me what is good for me and treat me as an invalid. I have a free mind. I'd like to use it.
- I am not a victim. I am spirit and I chose my circumstances. I might not have chosen all this attention and I don't understand it. I hate it. But perhaps my life is meant to be more. I think this is my last life and why not become what I wanted to be as a child?
- You separate the soul from the body when you practice negative behaviors, anger, chasing food, chasing drugs, chasing alcohol. To become one with the soul, you need to meditate. I meditate before bed.
- My whole mind is censored. I have much to say and little ability to say it. If I followed my own ideas, it would be easier to express myself. Dealing with the peanut gallery is never fun. And they are not as smart at me, in terms of me and what I want for my life.
- Self care. Will I give up sleep if I go off meds? Will I be the same person? Can I handle it. Can I quit smoking. Self Care. Leaving behind those who only see me as a cash cow.
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